Backwords
 

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 Three of our young couples are walking down the aisle and making a public profession of their love for each other in June. Arvelle and Wayne, Sarah and Kent, and Amanda and Carl are getting married. CONGRATULATIONS!
As a gift to them (and a reminder to those of us who already married) I am going to use BACKWORDS for the next three weekends to talk about three key things that make for a happy and enduring marriage. Today I will share the first key.
REMEMBER THAT YOUR MARRIAGE IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE IN THIS LIFE.
Don't get spiritual on me and say I forgot God - that's a given. Our relationship with Jehovah God is bigger than life - it is an eternal relationship. I am talking about your relationships while you live on earth and go to work, drive a car, and pay a mortgage. On earth your most important relationship is with your spouse. It lasts the longest and has the potential to bring you the most satisfaction. Our employer doesn't come to sit beside us in a rocking chair when we retire. Many people forget that.
Too often two individuals who are bright and socially skilled get married and forget what really matters. They work hard all day. They use loads of energy speaking kindly to people they work with and going the extra distance to please their supervisors. They put on a smile at church and make sure people feel loved and cared for in their Life Group. The people they do extracurricular activities with (sports and clubs) think they are charming. There is nothing wrong with that except for the strange thing that happens when they come home each evening.
When they are driving up their driveway they click on some section of their brain that says "relax". The reasoning in the "relax" box goes something like this. "I have worked hard all day. I have pleased my boss. I told some great jokes at the lunch meeting and now I am tired. I have gained the right to be lazy, a little sloppy, and to not be careful with my words." We end up giving our best to everyone else and the most important relationship in our life gets the leftovers.
Smart couples do the opposite. They give their best to their lover. They watch their words. They smile and laugh together. They know that their marriage is the most important relationship in their life so they give it the best. Rather than winding down their energy and commitment to charm and excellence when they come home they notch it up a level.
Key number one - our marriage is the most important relationship in our life. Give it the very best you have to offer.
.... Pastor John

Backwords - June 6

In last week's bulletin I began a "BACKWORDS SERIES" on three keys to a happy and enduring marriage as a gift to the three couples who are being united in marriage this month - Arvelle & Wayne, Sarah & Kent, and Amanda & Carl. The first key is to remember that your marriage is the most important relationship in your life. Give it the very best you have to offer. Today I will share the second key.

UNDERSTAND THAT MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.

Some of you are reading this and thinking that's rather obvious. Maybe it is for most. However, I know that when I got married it wasn't really clear to me. I didn't understand that Donna wasn't just a physical upgrade from all my guy friends. It wasn't just her features and fixtures that were different. She was different, really different from every guy that I ever considered to be a great friend. After thirty plus years of marriage I am finally getting it. MEN AND WOMEN ARE REALLY DIFFERENT.
Ephesians 5 is the portion of scripture that talks about marriage in greatest length. At the end of the teaching Paul wraps his teaching up with one concluding sentence. He wrote;
"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33, ESV) In one succinct sentence Paul shows how completely different the needs and expectations of men and women are in marriage.
Women need to be loved. "Each one of you love his wife." Love, love, love is what a women needs from her man. The problem is the man's brain is so thick we have trouble figuring our what that means. Does it mean saying "I love you" when you get up in the morning? Does it mean bringing home roses every Friday? Where does chocolate fit into this? Love is mind boggling but I think I am finally figuring it out. A man needs to figure out the things he can do that will make his wife phone her mother or girlfriend and brag about. If you can generate "bragging moments" for her tea times, your wife feels loved. Wives needs stories to tell about the nice things their husbands have done for them. If she has stories (not from twenty years ago) that she can tell, she feels loved. If she has no stories she is probably starving for affection.
Men's needs are different. "Let the wife see that she respects her husband." Respect is what makes a men's world work. While women need their men to make their soft heart go pitter patter men need their women to stroke their big fat egos. Guys are egomaniacs. We think we are terrific and we tell each other how terrific we are all the time. "Great interception. The quarterback didn't see you coming." "No one can play the guitar like you. You are really good." "You are the best boss I have ever worked for. Thanks for helping me succeed." Guys are wired with a need to lead and succeed. When a woman can come alongside her man and make him feel like he is the greatest thing to come down the pike since the IPod she is meeting his greatest need. Roses don't do it. Respect does. The smartest thing a wife can do is let her husband accidentally hear her bragging to her girlfriends about his character or accomplishments. I know it sounds terribly immature. Unfortunately it is true.
Healthy couples have identified this significant difference between men and women. Wives need to feel loved. Men need to know their wives respect them.
..... Pastor John

Backwords - June 13

This is the last in a series of three "BACKWORDS" in which I am sharing three keys to a happy and enduring marriage as a gift to the three couples who are being united in marriage this month. Two are done. Wayne and Arvelle got married last weekend and headed off to Mexico. Kent and Sarah got married this weekend and are off to Mexico on Monday. Carl and Amanda are walking down the aisle this coming Saturday.

The two keys for a happy and enduring marriage I have shared so far are;
a - Remember that your marriage is the most important relationship in your life.
b - Understand that men and women really are different.
Today I will share the last key.

INVITE GOD TO BE THE LORD OF YOUR MARRIAGE

There is a great verse in Ecclesiastes 4:12. It says "a threefold cord is not easily broken." When you invite God into your relationship the tie that binds you together as a couple receives extra strength. Your relationship is not easily broken. Make Christ the Lord of your marriage. What does that look like? Let me share a few observations.
1 - It includes taking little steps that remind you everyday that He is important in your relationship. Say grace together before meals. Play Christian music in your home. Allow God to speak to you through the Bible about how you are to treat each other.
2 - Go to church together. You are designed to worship God. Your spirit is a big part of you. If you starve that part of your relationship you bring to your spouse a shrivelled soul every day. Feed your spirit. It is also true that you will meet your great friends who will encourage you to have proper priorities as a couple at church.
3 - Get involved in your church. Life is shorter than you realize. The journey down here ends much quicker than any of us anticipate when we are young. Get involved in the life of your church and use your time to contribute to things with eternal benefit. As my Dad said to me scores of times - "only what is done for Christ will last."
4 - Give generously to God's work. Malachi 3 teaches us the benefits of tithing. When we tithe we "rebuke the devourer" in our lives. I used to think that it meant bad things wouldn't happen to me financially. I now recognize the very act of giving generously of my finances releases protection over the most important relationships in my life. God rebukes the devourer for me.

Let God be the "plus factor" in your relationship. Make Him Lord remembering the promise that "a threefold cord is not easily broken." When you put Him first, everything else falls into place.
....... Pastor John